tonight i’ve really reflected on some things. one being that there’s a couple of people who i think of as friends, and i’ve come to realise (rather, admit to myself) that they really aren’t.. i think i’ve been deluding myself for a while. i get walked over, i get used, and it’s always me that makes the effort in the first place. i’m honestly not going to bother whatsoever with some people any more. i’m seriously done. now and again i reach a cut off point with people, and there’s a few on the list as of right now.
another thing, if you think this is about you to any extent - yeah, it is.
acosmist - one who believes that nothing exists
paralian - a person who lives near the sea
aureate - pertaining to the fancy or flowery words used by poets
dwale - to wander about deliriously
sabaism - the worship of stars
dysphoria - an unwell feeling
aubade - a love song which is sung at dawn
eumoirous - happiness due to being honest and wholesome
mimp - to speak in a prissy manner, usually with pursed lips
i think my heart’s a magnet that attracts the right people but then changes polarity at the last moment
fu c k i ng chris
do e s thi s
t ype w
r i t er
w o r k
this morning i walked to the church on my own. i seen some of my family on my dad’s side that i haven’t seen for years. i thought it would be awkward but it was nice. again, it’s weird how sad situations bring people together. it was heartbreaking to see my nan so upset. she said the saddest thing i’ve ever heard spoken in my life. i think she said it to herself more than anyone else, it was so genuine and wasn’t meant for any kind of sympathy. it hit me really hard that really old people must get really lonely when their partner dies.
after the funeral, i went to my other family’s barbecue and they really cheered me up. they’re all nuts. i can’t believe i had to put sun cream on in march, in liverpool. really, what the..? i’m normally oiling up in august desperate for a bit of sun on my skin. it’s weird.
feist last night was one of the best nights of my life. i don’t know how this is even so, because her voice sounds so perfect on all songs she’s recorded.. but it was somehow so much more lovely. like actually perfect sounds coming from her. what was another surreal moment was when she sang graveyard.. at the end she made the audience sing that part that goes “ooh oo-ooh oo-ohh bring ‘em all back to life..” .. and usually the sound of the crowd kinda averages out - so it’s never bad, but it’s never harmonious either.. BUT IT WAS THIS TIME. it sounded so gorgeous and felt so amazing to be part of.
i’ve been really quite broody lately. uhm…
and one last thing, tonight i’m feeling love for people who i don’t usually, and a lot less towards people who i normally do love.